男: This seat empty?（這個座位是空的吧？）
女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果妳坐下，我的座位就是空的。）我立馬走人
男：Haven''t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什麽地方見過妳？）
女：Yes. That''s why I don''t go there anymore.（是的。這就是為什麽我不再去那個地方的原因。）我不想和妳有任何交集
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（這個星期六妳想跟我出去嗎？）
女：Sorry. I''m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。這個周末我頭疼)^_^頭疼也是可以預約的
男：Can I have your name?（我能知道妳的名字嗎？）
女：Why? Don''t you already have one? （為什麽？妳不是已經有壹個了嗎？）
男：I''m a photographer. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是攝影師。我壹直在尋找壹張像妳這樣的臉。）
女：I''m a plastic surgeon. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科醫生。我也壹直在尋找壹張像妳這樣的臉。）長的真醜
男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能讓妳非常快樂。）
女：Why? Are you leaving?（是嗎？妳是說妳要離開？）妳能離開就是對我的仁慈
搞笑5人劇本《西門吹雪與葉孤城》演員表：
西門吹雪
葉孤城
花滿樓
king
旁白道具：牛奶兩袋，匕首壹把，戒子壹枚，紙屑若幹。
第壹幕：決戰紫荊城之顛
旁白：Aquietvillageiscoveredwithwhitesnow.
Birdsaredancinginthecold.
Amaniswalkingalongthestreet,stepbystep.
Windiscominginsilence.
Anothermysteriousmanapproaches.
Y與X相遇．
X：oH,Iamsorrytoknockyou!
Y:Haha,Nevermindbaybay.
X:Excuseme，whoareyouonearth?couldyoutellmeyourname?
Y:haha,Iwon’tchangemyname!nomatterwhathappens.I’mthemostfamous-------YeGucheng.Whoareyou?
X:Iamximenchuixue.
Y驚訝:Ar,ximenchuixue?
X:Yes,whatiswrong?
Y:IheardthatyouarethebestingMartialArts?
X:Great,youknowme!
Y抱腿：Please,please……Don’tkillme!letmeyougo!
X:No,Imustkillyou!
Y:Idon''''''''''''''''twanttobekilled.Thereareaeighty-year-oldmotheandathree-yearoldsontobelookedafterbyme!
X:Noway!Becausewearefightingnow!youknow?
Y突然站起冷冷的說：Don''''''''''''''''tforceme!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出壹袋牛奶)
X搶過牛奶:milk,verygood!Ilikedrinkingit.howdoyouknowthat?
Y:pleasedrinkit!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks,ha,ha
Y:Doyoustillwanttokillme?
X:Sure,must!milkismilk.
Y(惱怒+冷酷):Verygood!verygood!Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!?
X:I’msureIwon’t!
Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfIdon''''''''''''''''tbeatyourhistime,you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1-0!
X捂著肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach!
Y大笑：HaHa……
X可憐狀:help!help!Whereisthewashroom?
Y:What?
X:Toliet?
Y:What?
X:The“WC”?
Y:Oh,Isee,goalongthisstreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacorssingroad!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y掏出紙屑吹:Thisisgenuirnesnow!
H:Stop!Protectingtheenvironmentisabasicobligation!
Y:Whoareyou?
H:Hua---man----lou!Haveyouseenximenchuixue?
Y:Yes,hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC”now,ha……
H驚訝:Nowyouarethebestintheworld!
Y:Youareright!
H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor!doyouwantjoininus?
Y:Yes,It’sverygood.
H:Ok,followme,Let’sgotoseemyking!
Y:Ok,Let’sgo!
第二幕：無間道
H:Mydearest!letmeintroduceyeguchengtoyou!（指Y）thisisyegucheng.
K:sitdownplese,yegucheng.
H走到Y前，《婚禮進行曲》起，H神甫狀:Yegucheng!Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenssuchascoldheadache,sairandaids?
Y:Yes,Ido.
K:Huamanlou,come.puttheringonhisfinger!（音樂停）
X唱著上:Onlyyou……(看到戒子)thisringshouldbemine!
K:Butwhoareyou?whyshoulditbelongyou?
Y急切:king!dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!huoxi(維語再見)
K:huoxi?Whatdoesthatmean?ItisnotEnglish,isn’tit?
Y:Howclever……
X冷酷:yegucheng!comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!
Y抱X的腿:oldbrother!Forgiveme!
X:Forgiveme?Why?
Y:Oncetherewasachangebeforeme,Ilostit.Ifthegodgivemeantherchance,I’lltellyou“Iloveyou”,Iftheremustbealimitedperiod,Ihopeitisthousandyear!
X:Youshallcheatme!allyoudidarewrong!howcanyoutellthelady’s“WC”!
Y:Ilikegoinglady’sWC.I……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.(Y又拿出壹袋牛奶)
X:m-i-l-k?haha,ayixidailu!(我愛妳的意思)
K:ayixidailu?What’sthemeaning?whyIalsocan’tunderstandyou?
X:Youarestupid!Itmeans“Iloveyou”.
K:Don’tsaythat“youloveme”.I’llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!
X:What?(側耳裝著聽不到)You---kill----me?come,come…(X上去抓住K)
K:Fuckyou.Imustkillyou!
X:Howcanyoukillme?haha……
Y:Letmehaveatry!3-2-1-0(X捂著肚子，蹲下)
K:thankyouverymuch,yousaveme.Now,I’llgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyou
haveavacation.
Y:That’sgood.butthereisonemorething.canyougivemeaMM?IwanttogoAmericanwithher.
K:ofcouse.Youaretheonewhohasthesimilartastewithme!Hahaha……
Y:Hahaha-----
H:Where’ssomewhere?
K:What?
Y:Doyouwanttogolady’s“WC”?
X:Yes,I……I……do.
H頂著搖頭：X,no,no，youcan’tgotoLady’s“WC”.Thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangointo!becauseyouareX!youarethebestmanofChinesekongfu!
X:whatifI’mthebestintheword?!whyItrymybesttolivebutI’mstillsomiserable?whencanIgetmyfreedom?mustbethedeadday?!
K:youareright.onewillnotbecleveruntilthedayhedie.Inthatcase,whywillyoudieinsuchabadsorrowway!gointotheLady’sWC,thendie,comfortablly!goahead!
H:you,stupid,badbehavior!goaway!
K;why?whydoyouhelphim!whoacturallyareyou?
H:myrealnameisLuXiaofeng------thewifeofX.I’maspy.
K驚訝:!you---you---YouareLuXiaofeng?X’wife?
Y:Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou.atricker!doyouknow,youarethefirstpersonwhocheatedme!becauseofyou,Ideeideneverbelieveanyoneelse,includingmyself.youhavedestroyedmylookingforyouformanyyears,justfortoday!(輕聲說)Xwilldie,goandseehim,please.
H撲倒在X的身邊：X,do’tdie,youshouldbealive,therearemuchhopeinthefatureandtomorrowisagoodbeginning!
K:whatamovingstory!Iwasimpressed!
Y:lifeisaprogress,butitisdepressedthatitcannotresume!
H:lifeisaprogress,anditisdelightthatitneedn’tresume!
(H忽然將壹把匕首插進Y的心臟，K嚇跑.音樂《再見，警察》起)
Y痛苦狀:don’tleavemehere,youknowIloveyouandIhavenothingexceptyounow,pleasenotabandonme!realizethatI’mwrong.helpme,Iintendtobeback,helpme,Ikeyyou,begyou------helpme.I’llneverdothatagain!(Y死，音樂停)
（X咳，H撲到身邊，電影《我的父親母親》原聲音樂起）
H:X,oh,no,youcan’tdie,wewillgohometogether.
X:gohome!?
H:Tomorrowisanotherday!evenyouhavethelastsecondtolive,youshouldbealive,notonlyforme,butforourlove!
X:doyouwantmelivealifeinsuchasorrowway?ok,ok,IpromiseIwillbealiveforyou.but!youknow,Ihavenottimeleft,butyouhave,promisethatyouwillbehappyeveryday!Youmustdomethishonor...promisemeyouwillsurvive...thatyouwillnevergiveup...nomatterwhathappens...nomatterhowhopeless...promisemenow,andneverletgoofthatpromise.
H:Ipromise.
X:Neverletgo.
H:Ipromise.Iwillneverletgo,
X.I''''''''llneverletgo.(X死)
H:bealive!yeah,bealive!bealivewithoutahendance!lifecanbechanceliketimecangotoback.thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping,solifecancomefromthebeginning!（H自刎，艱難的爬到X身邊死.音樂停。）