第壹篇：幽默小故事精選
One day, a teacher took his pupils to a chicken farm to pay a visit. When they came near the incubator, chick just got out of its egg shell.壹天，老師帶學生到養雞場參觀，當他們走近孵化器時，剛好壹只小雞破殼而出。
? "It's wonderful to see a little thing come out from the egg shell, isn't it?" the teacher said.
? “看見壹個小生命從蛋殼裏出來，豈不是很奇妙的嗎?”老師說。
? "Yes, sir." said one of the boys, " but it would be more wonderful if we knew how a chick gets in to its eggs hell before hand."
“是的，老師。”壹個男學生說，“可是，如果我們知道它是怎樣事先鉆進蛋殼裏的那就更奇妙了。”
? I'm Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
“孩子，妳為什麽用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了嗎?”
? "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“沒有，老師。可是妳昨天說妳告訴我的知識都是壹個耳朵裏進，壹個耳朵裏出，所以我要把它堵在裏面。”
? “I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
“對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“20美元!為什麽?不是說好只要4美元。”
“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
“是的，但是妳的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了。”
? Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?
老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理。現在，誰給我舉個例子?
? John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.
約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長，在冬天天都短。
? One day,a little m is playing by the well.
壹天，有只小猴子在井邊玩兒。
He looks in the well and shouts :
它往井裏壹瞧，高喊道：
“Oh!My god!The moon has fallen into the well!”
“噢!我的天!月亮掉到井裏頭啦!”
An older ms runs over, takes a look,and says,
壹只大猴子跑來壹看，說，
“Goodness me!The moon is really in the water!”
第二篇：英語幽默故事老板
There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That?s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That?s why he?s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don?t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him ?The Boss.?”
老板 有個人到壹間商店買鸚鵡。店裏有三只鸚鵡，其中壹只賣五千元，另壹只賣壹萬元，還有壹只賣三萬元。顧客問老板：「為什麽這只要賣五千元?這個價錢對這種鸚鵡來說太貴了!」老板說：「因為我有訓練他講話。」顧客又問：「那這只呢?他會做什麽?為什麽要賣這麽貴?」老板說：「他除了會說話之外，還會表演壹些有趣的動作，好比說跳舞等等，所以才賣這麽貴。」
顧客接著又問：「那第三只呢?他會做什麽?為什麽要賣這麽貴?」老板說：「我不知道。我從沒聽過他講話、吹口哨或唱歌，也沒看過他跳舞，什麽都沒有!不過另外兩只叫他：『老板!』」
Where is the egg?
Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.
Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?
Student:In the cake,Sir.
雞蛋在哪裏?
老師：妳能用“雞蛋”壹詞造句嗎?
學生：可以。我昨天吃了壹塊蛋糕。
老師：“雞蛋”在哪?
學生：在蛋糕裏，先生
Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket. But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here,but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”
After Keaop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it." “孩子，妳為什麽用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了嗎?”
“沒有，老師。可是妳昨天說妳告訴我的知識都是壹個耳朵裏進，壹個耳朵裏出，所以我要把它堵在裏面。”
“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
“對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“20美元!為什麽?不是說好只要4美元。”
“是的，但是妳的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了。” TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?
John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.
老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理。現在，誰給我舉個例子?
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約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長，在冬天天都短。
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"
"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
教進化論的老師已經滔滔不絕地講了快兩個小時，他的話題又來了：“讓我向進化論者提個問題——如果我們曾經像狒狒那樣長著尾巴，那麽現在尾巴到哪裏去了?”
“我來試試看，”壹位老太太說。
“該是我們在這裏坐這麽久把它們磨掉了吧。”
A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust. He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river." He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the
apples, and he was gladto take them out of the dust and eat them. Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.
譯文 壹個人正朝著壹個富人的房子走去，當他沿著路走時，在路的壹邊他發現壹箱好蘋果，他說：“我不打算吃那些蘋果，因為富人會給我更多的食物，他會給我很好吃的東西。”然後他拿起蘋果，壹把扔到土裏去。 他繼續走，來到河邊，河漲水了，因此，他到不了河對岸，他等了壹會兒，然後他說：“今天我去不了富人家了，因為我不能渡過河。” 他開始回家，那天他沒有吃東西。他就開始去找吃的，他找到蘋果，很高興地把它們從塵土中翻出來吃了。 不要把好東西扔掉，換個時候妳會覺得它們大有用處。
“Goodness me!The moon is really in the water!”
第三篇：金絲雀與蝙蝠
A bird was confined in a cage outside a window. She often sang at night when all other birds were asleep.
One night a bat came. He asked the bird why she was silent by day and sang only at night.
The bird answered, “Last year when I was singing in the daytime, a bird catcher heard my voice and caught me in his net.Since then I have never sung by day.”
The bat replied, "But it is useless to do this now that you have become a prisoner." Then he flew away.
金絲雀與蝙蝠
●掛在窗口籠裏的金絲雀，經常在鳥兒睡著的夜裏歌唱。
●壹天晚上，蝙蝠來了，飛過來問她為什麽白天安靜無聲，夜裏卻要歌唱。
●金絲雀回答說：“去年我在白天唱歌時，捕鳥人聽到我的歌聲抓住了我。從此，我再也不在白天唱歌了。”
●蝙蝠說：“妳現在才懂得謹慎已沒用了，妳若在變為囚徒之前就懂得，那該多好呀!”說完就飛走了。
寓意: 我們應該在危險發生之前就提高警覺，因為危險壹旦發生，我們再怎樣小心也沒有用了
“Goodness me!The moon is really in the water!”