Characters: Narrator (N), Salesman(S), Dad (D), Maggie (M), Alice (A),Candy(C), Policeman (P)
Preparation:學校布景,做糖果用桌及相關材料，小販家布景
Scene1（At Salesman’s home）
N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, Xu …… He is coming!
S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’ m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular .I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……
Oops! It’s time to make candies now. (看表)
First, put the flour on the table. Then, water, sugar, flour. (邊說邊做) Now press, press……
Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it! (滿不在意的情) Press, press……
Oh, my god!(鼻涕)Never mind! Just do it! Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK, He He He……
Now let me cut it into pieces! One, two, three, four, five……（用臟菜刀）
Wow, everything is ready!
糖果鉆出來（跳舞），跳完後，非常難過地說：Oh, I’m so dirty and ugly! What can I do? The students will eat me! And they will be ill! Wu Wu Wu…
S: Mmmm…It looks dirty. Let me give you a nice coat! (給它穿上) Wow! Now it’s so beautiful! Ha ha……
C: Oh, no! Don’t sell me! I’m dirty! (拖糖果下場)
Scene2（At the school gate）
N: The next day, when the class is over, all the students come out happily and the salesman goes to the school gate as usual. (Maggie和Alice 歡快地跑出校門，看到小販)
(小販拉著糖上場，吆喝)：Candies! Candies! Sweet candies! ……
M: Oh, Alice! Look! Candies!
A: Yeah! I think they are yummy!
M: Let’s ask him.
A: OK!
C: Don’t buy me！（非常焦急）
M&A: Why?
C: I’m dirty！
M: No, you look nice!
C: What can I do? (面向觀眾) Wuwuwu…(小販將她拉在後面)
S: Candies! Candies!（引誘兩個女孩）
M&A: How much are they?
S: Do you have money?（輕蔑）
M&A: Money?(對視)
M: Oh, I’ve no money!（失落之極）
A: Me too.
S: No money? So sorry!(吆喝著走開，下場)
M: What can we do now?
A: Let’s ask dad for money.
M: But how to ask?
A: How? … Oh, I know, let’s make him happy, and he will give us money.（自信）
M: Good idea! (全部下場)
英語搞笑話劇《孔雀東南飛》 （可以選擇壹段合適的背景音樂，效果很不錯）
Wanders every five miles
焦仲卿Johnny(J for short)劉蘭芝Lunch(L for short)
焦母Johnny's mother(JM for short)劉母Lunch’s mother(LM for short)
太守之子Mayor’s son(MS for short)強盜Burglars(ABandC)
(J作被打狀跑上臺,內砸出壹卷紙筒,J被打中,狼狽不堪)
J:Every body says that I'm henpecked,but in fact,I’m as strong as a tiger,(小聲)while my
wife is Wu Song.
(指著上臺處的門大聲道)I’m not afraid of you!
(內砸出壹臉盆,J接住當成盾牌護著頭)Then,I’m afraid of whom?
My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.She is braver than me,
smarter than me and stronger than me.All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender
than me.But she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
(內又砸出壹卷紙筒,擊中J)
My God!Who can help me?(下)
Act1
(序幕結束時,JM作竊聽狀)
JM(拄拐棍上):I can!
(對門內)Lunch!Lunch!Where are you?
L(紮著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內跳出來):I’m here!What’s up mum?
JM:I’ve told you again and again that you should call me“my most beautiful graceful and
dearest mother-in-law”.
L:OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’s up?
JM:Since you married my son you have be haved so badly.You have been so rude,so brusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Never interrupt me!
L:Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,that terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all
day long,cooking and washing.I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken
and……
JM:But all those you have done a renotas valuable as a grandson!
L(生氣地揮動著鍋鏟):Oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(開始解圍裙)Goandas k your
son.I’m leaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在JM的臉上,下)
Act2
(LM坐在臺上打毛線,L拿著鍋鏟上)
L:Mum,I’m back!
LM:You are back?Why?What happened?
L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
LM(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災樂禍的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on
marrying that terrible Johnny,I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen
to me.Look at yourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Never interrupt me!
L:Mum,I’m no tinterrupting you.I just want to tell you that you are always right OK?And
I’ll marry whom ever you want me to.
LM(大喜):Nice girl!Just now,I met the mayor’s son in the market.He said:“If your daughter
Haven’t been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,I’ll go
and tell him.(下)
L(驚愕):What?The mayor’s son?The most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的鍋
鏟掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done!(下)
Act3
(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(邊走邊道):Lunch!Lunch!Where are my socks?
(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)Here they are!(聞壹下) Er!How smelly!They are still dirty!
(突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來)Oh,I’m so hungry!But there’s no breakfast!(撿起地上的圍
裙)This is what Lunch always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now
she has gone.I have to cook for my mother and myself.
JM(上):Where’s my breakfast?Where’s Lunch?Hasn’t she got up yet?
J:Mum,can’t you remember?Lunch has gone!
JM(沈吟片刻):Well,to tell you the truth Johnny,as on without a wife is useless.Lunch is a nice
girl,go and take her back!
J(立正敬禮):Yes madam!
Act4
(J開心地走著，忽然跳出來三個強盜)
A:Hey you!Stop and listent to us!
The road is built by me!(擡腳重重地踩在壹塊大石頭上)
B:And I planted one tree!(亦擡腳踩在同壹塊石頭上)
C:If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了A的腳)
AB&C:Give us all your money!
J(搜遍了每壹個口袋，掏出1角硬幣):Is1 mao enough?
(三強盜暈倒狀，接著三人聚在壹邊商量)
A:What bad luck!This guy is broken!
B:If we cannot rob any money today,we will have nothing to eat tonight!
C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lan zhi next month.WE can go and
rob the wedding!
A&B:Good idea!
J(驚訝):What?What?Lunch is going to get married?It’s impossible!
AB&C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple!
J:But Lunch is my wife!We haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,don’t you?I’ll go
with you.You take the money and I take the bride.
B:Have you got any experience?
J:No.But I’ve got this!(J脫下鞋子從裏面摸出壹張支票，上書＄1，000，000)
Act5
(轉眼已到了婚禮之期．MS意氣風發用紅綢牽著新娘上，J蓋著紅蓋頭極不情願地被拉上臺)
(J和三強盜躍至臺中)
ABC&J:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!
A:The road is built by me!
B:And I planted one tree.
C:If you want to go by this street---
J:Give us all your money!
(L聽到J的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)
L(驚喜萬分):Johnny!(不顧壹切地飛奔到J的身邊並躲到了的身後)
(MS大怒，揮拳向J打來．J矮身壹躲，MS打中了J身後的L，L暈倒)
J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（揮拳向MS沖去）
(J與MS混戰，JM上，以拐杖擊暈MS)
(J將MS胸前的新郎標誌扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，關切地問):Honey,how are you?
L(哭狀):I hurt a lot!
J:Don’t cry baby.I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下)
(音樂起 Can You Celebrate)