1：
人物：A(衣衫襤褸）
B（衣著光鮮）
C小花
D小草
E椅子
F新聞記者
劇本：
B坐在E上吃東西，A壹乞丐上前
A：先生，先生，請給我些面包，謝謝，我餓得不行了。
B：（厭惡）讓開，讓開。（然後便起身離開，這時他的錢包掉到E上頭了）
A：先生，先生（A看見後，立即拾起，追上了走遠的B）
B：讓開，讓開啊，我沒吃的了，也沒錢了（看也不看A，仍自顧自地走了）
C：他真愚蠢啊
D：是啊是啊（D點頭附和）
A：可……先生……您聽我說……（仍拉著B衣服的後擺）
B：哇，妳這人怎麽這麽討厭！（還是沒有回頭看A壹眼）
C：椅子啊，妳會不會覺得剛剛坐在妳身上的人特愚蠢？
E：唉，人總是這麽愚蠢啊~~~~
D：是啊是啊
與此同時A與B還在糾纏，這時E終於隱忍不住爆發了。
E：先生！妳的錢包丟了！妳怎麽這麽傻啊。
A與B同時回頭，看見了那會說話的椅子E，嚇昏過去了。這壹幕恰巧被經過的F看見了。於是F就報道了這壹事件。
F：大家好，我是新聞記者F，今天我看見了壹個奇異的現象，壹個椅子說話了，兩個人被嚇昏了，下面我將采訪壹下被嚇昏的兩個人。
B：哦，上帝，哦，媽媽。
F：這個人傻了，我們不鳥他了，下面我采訪壹下另壹個人吧，請問妳為什麽不告訴他，他的錢包丟了？
A：對不起，我不知道“錢包”這個單詞怎麽講……
F：通過這壹事件，我們可以認識到，掌握壹門外語的重要性，以及金錢給人類帶來的影響。是嗎，椅子？
E：是啊，是啊（E傻傻地拼命點頭）
C：唉，人可真愚蠢，椅子也被他們弄傻了。
D：誰讓這是壹個童話呢……
A:sir,sir,please give me a piece of bread.thank you,sir.I'm hungry to die.
B:get away,get away,dirty man.
A:sir,sir!!
B:run away,please run away.I have no food,and I don't have money,either.
C:hey,xiao D,he is so foolish,isn't he?
D:yes,yes.
A:but....sir....please listen to me.....
B:wa,why are you so disgusting!!
C:hey,chair,do you feel the man sat on you a moment ago is very stupid.
E:ai,pretty flower,do you know,men are always very silly.
D:yes,yes!!
E:sir!you lost your wallet!can't you be more clever?
F:good morning,everybody.I'm a jonrnist F. Today I saw a very weird thing--a chair open her mouth,and two men are frightened to faint.now,I will intenview the two nozzy man.
B:wo,my god,wo,my,mum.
F:I'm sorry to tell you this man has been mad.we needn't take notice of him.let me interview the other man,hello,man,can you tell men why didn't you tell him he lost his wallet?
A:I'm sorry,I don't know how to speak "錢包" in english......
F:dear audience,through this thing we can learn that how improtant it is to mastery a foreign language,and how lagre the money affect us.is that all right,chair?
E:yes,yes.
C:ai,men is so silly.
D:don't believe us,it is just a fairly tale.
2：這個劇本挺搞笑的
孔雀東南飛 英語搞笑劇本
Wander severy five miles
焦仲卿Johnny (Jforshort) 劉蘭芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny’smother (JMforshort) 劉母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor’sson (MSforshort) 強盜Burglars(ABandC)
Prologue
(J作被打狀跑上臺,內砸出壹卷紙筒,J被打中,狼狽不堪)
J:Everybody says that I’m henpecked,but in fact,I’m as strong as a tiger,(小聲)while my
wifeis Wu Song.
(指著上臺處的門大聲道)I’m not afraid of you!
(內砸出壹臉盆,J接住當成盾牌護著頭)Then,I’m afraid of whom?
My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.She is braver than me,
smarter than me and stronger than me.All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender
than me.But she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
(內又砸出壹卷紙筒,擊中J)
My God!Who can help me?(下)
Act1
(序幕結束時,JM作竊聽狀)
JM(拄拐棍上):I can!
(對門內)Lunch!Lunch!Where are you?
L(紮著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內跳出來):I’m here!What’s up mum?
JM:I’ve told you again and again that you should call me“my most beautiful graceful and
dearest mother-in-law”.
L:OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’s up?
JM:Since you married my son you have behaved so badly.You have been so rude,so brusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Never interrupt me!
L:Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,that terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all
day long,cooking and washing.I have raised ten soft housands of pigs and ducks and chicken
and……
JM:But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!
L(生氣地揮動著鍋鏟):Oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(開始解圍裙)Goan dask your
son.I’m leaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在JM的臉上,下)
Act2
(LM坐在臺上打毛線,L拿著鍋鏟上)
L:Mum,I’m back!
LM:You are back?Why?What happened?
L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
LM(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災樂禍的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on
marrying that terrible Johnny,I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen
to me.Look at yourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Never interrupt me!
L:Mum,I’m not interrupting you.I just want to tell you that you are always right OK?And
I’ll marry whom ever you want me to.
LM(大喜):Nice girl!Just now,I met the mayor’s son in the market.He said:“If your daughter
Haven’t been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,I’ll go
and tell him.(下)
L(驚愕):What?The mayor’s son?The most famous play boy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的鍋
鏟掉在地上)What as illy thing I have done!(下)
Act3
(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(邊走邊道):Lunch!Lunch!Where are my socks?
(走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)Here they are!(聞壹下) Er!How smelly!They are still dirty!
(突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來)Oh,I’m so hungry!But there’s no breakfast!(撿起地上的圍
裙)This is what Lunch always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now
she has gone.I have to cook for my mother and myself.
JM(上):Where’s my breakfast?Where’s Lunch?Hasn’t she got up yet?
J:Mum,can’t you remember?Lunch has gone!
JM(沈吟片刻):Well,to tell you the truth Johnny,a son without a wifeis useless.Lunch is an ice
girl,go and take her back!
J(立正敬禮):Yes madam!
Act4
(J開心地走著，忽然跳出來三個強盜)
A:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!
The road is built by me!(擡腳重重地踩在壹塊大石頭上)
B:And I planted one tree!(亦擡腳踩在同壹塊石頭上)
C:If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了A的腳)
AB&C:Give us all your money!
J(搜遍了每壹個口袋，掏出1角硬幣):Is1 mao enough?
(三強盜暈倒狀，接著三人聚在壹邊商量)
A:What bad luck!This guy is broken!
B:If we can not robany money today,we will have nothing to eat tonight!
C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lan zhi next month.WE can go and
rob the wedding!
A&B:Good idea!
J(驚訝):What?What?Lunch is going to get married?It’s impossible!
AB&C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple!
標題: 孔雀東南飛 英語搞笑劇本
J:But Lunch is my wife!We haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,don’t you?I’ll go
with you.You take the money and I take the bride.
B:Have you got any experience?
J:No.But I’ve got this!(J脫下鞋子從裏面摸出壹張支票，上書＄1，000，000)
Act5
(轉眼已到了婚禮之期．MS意氣風發用紅綢牽著新娘上，J蓋著紅蓋頭極不情願地被拉上臺)
(J和三強盜躍至臺中)
ABC&J:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!
A:The road is built by me!
B:And I planted one tree.
C:If you want to go by this street---
J:Give us all your money!
(L聽到J的聲音，掀起了蓋頭)
L(驚喜萬分):Johnny!(不顧壹切地飛奔到J的身邊並躲到了的身後)
(MS大怒，揮拳向J打來．J矮身壹躲，MS打中了J身後的L，L暈倒)
J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（揮拳向MS沖去）
(J與MS混戰，JM上，以拐杖擊暈MS)
(J將MS胸前的新郎標誌扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，關切地問):Honey,how are you?
L(哭狀):I hurt a lot!
J:Don’t cry baby.I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下)