古詩詞大全網 - 成語故事 - 托福寫作批改點評 第30期:什麽樣的工作更適合妳

托福寫作批改點評 第30期:什麽樣的工作更適合妳

Topic(題目):

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? It is better to take a secure job witha low pay than to take a job with a high pay butis easy to lose.

Target text(文章正文):

In this day and age, people seem to be eager toseek a job to support themselves in response to[the] increasing unemployment rate. It's notuncommon that they may choose to compromise [用詞不錯] with tough situation, settlingdown in a stable position with a low pay such as a shop assisstant [拼寫錯誤] rather than ahighly paid but more risky one. Personally, I really don't see anything wrong with these peoplewho choose to be pracical. [拼寫錯誤]

To start with, when it comes to seeking jobs, security should be put in the first place. [主題寫的很精練,表達也很清晰]As individuals, financial independent is one of fundamental aims inour lives. People who choose to take a secure job with low salary can at least meet his dailyneed regularly instead of fearing what if he gets fired tomorrow. On the contrary, a man whoearns top salaries but loses it frequently will suffer a life filled with unpredictable troubles. Their credit is also less trustworth [trustworthy] than those who are financially stablebecause they are more likely to sink in debt. [論據展開很簡潔,說服力也較強,不錯]

Further, to certain extent, taking a risky but highly paid job may be more harmful forone's health than a more secure one due to intensive working pace and severe pressure. Asseveral scientific research reveals, people undertaking more competitive tasks tend to sufferdiseases result [-ing] from heavy pressure. In contrast, those who are willing to be regularlypaid are more likely to maintain their health. [這個觀點很好]

Last but not least, a stable position with a lower pay can't prevent a really ambitiousman from making his own fortune. For instance, a fresh man at his 20s may lack experienceand luck, which forces him to take a [改為an] inferior job. Nevertheless, it is still hopeful forhim to grasp other necessary skills in spare time and obtain working experience. Once newoppportunities [拼寫錯誤] show up, he surely would make his way to it and achieve his goal. Infact, holding on to one's dream even if in case of adversity plays a critical role in one'ssuccess. what [句首大寫] really counts is to bear in mind that opportunites prefer to [to去掉]those who are preparing for them.

In summary, seeking jobs needs comprehensive consideration, which includes thinkingabout security first, issue of working pressure and long-term occupational planning. Sometimes it is still a wise choice to take a secure position with lower payment as long as thedecision is made via practical consideration.