適合表演的英語幽默故事

大學的宿舍裏有個哥們愛說夢話， 有天晚上我正起來喝口水， 誰知他突然大吼了壹聲：“餵！” 嚇得我把杯子打爛了…… College dormitory a man love somniloquy, one evening i was up to drink of water, and then suddenly he uttered a roar ： "hello!" i had broken the cup, … …　A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 壹男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 壹百萬美元對妳意味著多少?"上帝回答:"壹便士."男子又問:"那壹百萬年呢?"上帝說:"壹秒鐘."最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到壹便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過壹秒鐘." Be Much Worse Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch? Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse. 可能更糟 警察：當妳的手表被搶的時候，妳為什麽不大聲喊叫呢？ 男士：如果我張嘴喊叫，他們就會發現我的四顆金牙。那樣情況就更糟了！　

預算超標的小偷 caught stealing

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a shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "listen," said the shoplifter, "i know you don't want any trouble either. what do you say i just buy the watch, and we fet about this?"

the manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. the crook looked at the slip and said, "this is a little more than i intended to spend."

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壹個小偷在壹家珠寶店企圖偷走壹只手表的時候被當場擒獲。“聽著，”小偷說，“我知道妳們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買下，然後我們就當什麽也沒發生，妳看怎樣？”

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經理表示同意，然後列了壹張售貨單。小偷看著單子說道：“這比我最初的預算稍稍高了壹點。妳們還有沒有便宜壹點兒東西。"

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不識字 布朗夫人：哦， 親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！ 史密斯夫人：可是妳該在報紙上登廣告啊！ 布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。” Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。 “昨天給妳的錢幹什麽了？” “我給了壹個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “妳真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給妳兩分錢。可妳為什麽對那位老 太太那麽感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的。” The Perfect Son. A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he *** oke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever e home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday. 完美兒子 A:我有壹個很完美的兒子. B:他抽煙嗎? A:不抽. B:他喝威士忌酒嗎? A:不喝. B:他會不會很晚回家? A:不會. B:我想妳確實有壹個完美兒子. 那他多大了? A:下個星期三就滿6個月了.