A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"
壹只母老鼠帶著孩子出來散步，突然她看見壹只貓正在灌木叢中虎視耽耽。
母老鼠向著貓叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，貓聽了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回過頭洋洋自得的對孩子說：“現在妳知道外語的重要性了吧。”
改改,添壹下
I work for 7up"! 我可是在七喜公司工作呀
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四個好朋友在醫院裏碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產.護士過來對第壹個男人說:"恭喜,妳得了雙胞胎."男人說:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達雙子隊的經理."過了壹會兒,護士過來對第二個男人說:"恭喜,妳得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最後,護士跑來對第三個男人說:"恭喜,妳得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說:"真令人啼笑皆非,我為四季賓館工作."他們三個都很高興,但第四個夥伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝並用頭撞墻.他們問他有什麽不對勁,他回答道:"什麽不對勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
Five Hundred Times 五百遍
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."
在中西部壹個大城市的交通法庭裏，壹位年輕女士被帶到法官面前，她由於開車闖紅燈被開了罰單。女士向法官解釋，她是壹名學校老師，請求法官馬上處理她的案子，以便可以趕回去上課。法官眼中閃過壹絲狡黠，說道：“妳是學校的老師，對嗎？女士，我馬上要實現我畢生的願望了。在那張桌子旁坐下，寫‘我開車闖了紅燈’500遍。”（這個不錯吧，哈哈，剛開始還沒完全懂呢）
Who Shot Abraham Lincoln
Mr. Smith and his son Rick were called to teacher 's classroom.
“ Mr. Smith, ” said the teacher, “ I asked Rick 'Who shot Abraham Lincoln?' and he said that he didn't do it! ”
“ Well, teacher, ” said Smith, “ if my kid said he didn't do it — he didn't do it! ” Father and son left the school, and on their way home, Smith turned to the boy and asked, “ Tell me, son, did you do it? ”
Change
A lady lost her handbag during a day of shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty singles.” The boy quickly replied, “That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have change for a reward.”
Autograph (簽名)
“ Dad, Can you write in the dark? ”
“ I think so. What is it you want me to write? ”
“ Your name on this report card. ”
Have a Wife
At Sunday School they were doing the Creation story and Johnny heard how Eve was created from Adam's side.
Later that week Johnny's mother noticed him lying down as though he was ill and she asked:
What's the matter with you?
I have a pain in the side., I think I'm going to have a wife
Free Haircut
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.
“ I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,” he said. “I'll be back in a few minutes.”
When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, “Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you.”
“That wasn't my daddy,” said the boy. “He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!”
Go to School
Tommy had reached school age. His mother managed with a blast of [1]propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea. She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he'd meet and so on. Came the first day, he eagerly went off and came back home with a lot of glowing reports about school.
Next morning when she woke him up, he asked “What for ?” She told him it was time to get ready for school.
“What, again ?” he asked.
Happy Birthday to You
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. Thee church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the [2]aisle , carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you...” Adam's Suit
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible. With [3]fascination , he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages. “ Momma, look what I found, ” the boy called out. “ What have you got there, dear? ” his mother asked. With [4]astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, “ I think it's Adam's suit!!!!! ”
Stupid
A young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating some candy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hair on the floor.
“Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?” asked the barber.
“Don't be so stupid, I'm only three!!” said the girl!
Nearly
Father: How did you exams go ?
Son: I got nearly 100 in every subject
Father: What do you mean, nearly 100 ?
Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers !
[註釋1] propaganda n. 宣傳
[註釋2] aisle n. 走廊， 過道
[註釋3] fascination n. 魔力 , 入迷 , 魅力 , 迷戀 , 強烈愛好
[註釋4] astonishment n. 驚訝
Answer
Teacher to student: Arnold what is the most popular answer to the teacher's questions?
Arnold : I don't know ma'am.
Teacher: Correct!'
A Natural Childbirth
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, “ How was I born? ”
“ Well honey... ” said the slightly prudish[1] parent, “ the stork[2] brought you to us. ”
“ Oh, ” said the boy. “ Well, how did you and daddy get born? ” he asked.
“ Oh, the stork brought us too. ”
“ Well how were grandpa and grandma born? ” he persisted.
“ Well darling, the stork brought them too! ” said the parent.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher. The opening sentence is:
“ This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations. ”
Presents
It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing presents for their teacher. A florist[3] 's daughter came up and gave her teacher a box. The teacher said, “ I'll bet these are flowers! ” The girl replied, “ How did you know? “ Just a lucky guess, ” she said.
Next, a boy whose family owned a candy store came up and gave the teacher a box. She said that she knew it was candy. When the boy asked how she knew, she again said, “ Just a lucky guess. ”
Finally, a boy whose father owned a liquor store came up and gave the teacher a box, but one of the box's corners was damp[4] from a leak. The teacher asked the boy if it was wine. The boy said, “ No. ” She touched the leak and put it to her tongue and asked if it was champagne[5] . The boy again said no. Finally, she gave up and asked him what was in the box. He said happily, “ A puppy[6]! ”
Not Enough
A child comes home from his first day at school. His Mother asks, “Well, what did you learn today?”
The kid replies, “Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow.”
Scare
The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said. “ don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking[7].”
Cosmetology
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream[8] on her face. “ Why do you do that, mommy? ” he asked. “ To make myself beautiful, ” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue[9]. “ What's the matter? ” asked Little Johnny. “ Giving up? ”
Play
A little girl asked her mother, “ Can I go outside and play with the boys? ” Her mother replied, “ No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough. ” The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “ If I can find a smooth one, can I play with[10] him? ”
Understand
A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb[11], though his mother had tried everything from bribery[12] to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, “If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up[13] like a balloon.” Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, “Uh-oh...I know what you've been doing.”
You Are Jesus
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, age 5 and Ryan, age 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity to teach a moral lesson and said, “If Jesus were sitting here, he would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can eat when he is finished.'
So Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus.”
Answer
A first grade teacher was telling her class about the 3 little pigs. She got to the part where the pigs get the building materials and said, “The first little pig went up to[14] a man and asked, ‘ Excuse me sir, but may I have some straw to build a house?'”
The teacher wanted to know if the class was paying attention so she asked, “What do you think the man said?”
One boy raised his hand and said, “I think maybe the man said something like, ‘WOW! A talking pig!'”
[註釋1] prudish adj. 過分規矩的， 裝正經的
[註釋2] stork n. [ 鳥 ] 鸛
[註釋3] florist n. 種花人
[註釋4] damp adj. 潮濕的
[註釋5] champagne n. 香檳酒， 香檳色
[註釋6] puppy n. ( 常指未滿壹歲的 ) 小狗， 小動物，自負的青年
[註釋7] spanking n. 拍擊， 打屁股； adj. 強烈的， 疾行的； adv. 顯著地
[註釋8] cold cream n. 雪花膏， 冷霜 ( 壹種化妝品 )
[註釋9] tissue n. 薄紙， 棉紙， 薄的紗織品
[註釋10] play with 玩， 戲弄， 擺弄； 不大認真考慮 ( 某壹問題 )
play with fire 玩火， 做危險的事
[註釋11] thumb n. 拇指； vt. 以拇指撥弄， 笨拙處理， 弄壞，翻閱， 作搭車手勢
[註釋12] bribery n. 行賄； 賄賂， 受賄， 被收買 commit bribery 行 [ 受 ] 賄
[註釋13] blow up 形成 A storm blew up. 風暴驟起。
[註釋14] go up to 前往
Pity
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, “ Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up! ”
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, “ Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny? ”
“ No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself[3]!
Threaten
A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, “Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new...” He looks at it, then crumples[4] it up into a ball and throws it away.
He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, “Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new...” He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.
He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, “Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again...
Puzzle
Mom and Dad were trying to console[5] Susie, whose dog had recently died.
“ You know, it's not your fault that the dog died. He's probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God. ”
Susie, still crying, said “ What would God want with a dead dog? ”
Where is God?
A little girl was eating a doughnut[6] on her way to church. Since she could not eat inside, she left it outside and she prayed, “ God, will you please watch my doughnut and not go anywhere else? Thank you! ” Then she went inside. When the priest said, “ God is here, God is there, and God is everywhere! ” The little girl said, “ You are wrong! God is outside watching my doughnut! ”
Punish
Boy: Will you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not!
Boy: Good cause I didn't do my homework!
The Ugliest
Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed[8] to one of the ugliest girls there.
“ Why? ” he asks.
St. Paul replies, “ When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone. ” The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.
St. Paul replies, “ When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone. ” The third guy laughs at his friends and says, “ Thank God I didn't do anything like that. ” He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, “ Why? ”
“ Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone 。”
Puzzle
A group of kindergarten[10] children were on a class outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board[11], of the 10 most wanted men.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
“ Yes, ” answered the policeman.
“ Well, ” wondered the child, “ why didn't you keep him when you took his picture? ”