artist
asked
the
gallery
owner
if
there
had
been
any
interest
in
his
paintings
currently
on
display.
"I've
got
good
news
and
bad
news,"
the
owner
replied.
"The
good
news
is
that
a
gentleman
inquired
about
your
work
and
wondered
if
it
would
appreciate
in
value
after
your
death.
When
I
told
him
it
would,
he
bought
all
fifteen
of
your
paintings."
"That's
wonderful!"
the
artist
exclaimed,
"What's
the
bad
news?".
With
concern,
the
gallery
owner
replied,
"The
guy
was
your
doctor
壹名藝術家問畫廊老板，最近有沒有人對他展出的畫感興趣。“這有好消息和壞消息，”老板回答。“好消息是有壹位先生咨詢妳的作品，他想知道在妳死後妳的畫會不會升值。我告訴他妳的畫會升值，他就把妳的15幅畫全都買走了。”
“真是太好了”，藝術家是喜形於色，“那壞消息是什麽？”帶著關心的口吻，畫廊老板回答，“買畫的人是妳的醫生”。
The
New
Teacher
George
comes
from
school
on
the
first
of
September.
"George,
how
did
you
like
your
new
teacher?"
asked
his
mother.
"I
didn't
like
her,
Mother,
because
she
said
that
three
and
three
were
six
and
then
she
said
that
two
and
four
were
six
too....."
新老師
9月1日，
喬治放學回到家裏。
"喬治，妳喜歡妳們的新老師嗎？"
媽媽問。
"媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6,
可後來又說2加4也得6。"
Two
Birds
Teacher:
Here
are
two
birds,
one
is
a
swallow,
the
other
is
sparrow.
Now
who
can
tell
us
which
is
which?
Student:
I
cannot
point
out
but
I
know
the
answer.
Teacher:
Please
tell
us.
Student:
The
swallow
is
beside
the
sparrow
and
the
sparrow
is
beside
the
swallow.
兩只鳥
老師：
這兒有兩只鳥，壹只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
Excuse
for
Speeding
Excuse
for
Speeding
Harry
and
Lloyd
were
speeding
down
the
road.
A
police
car
pulled
them
over.
〃Why
on
earth
were
you
driving
so
fast？〃
the
policeman
yelled.
〃Our
brakes
are
no
good-so
we
wanted
to
get
there
before
we
had
an
accident！〃
超速的理由
哈裏與勞埃德超速行駛，壹輛警車攔住了他們。
“妳們為什麽開那麽快？”警官喊道。
“我們的剎車不好，因此我們想在發生事故前趕緊到達目的地。”
Send
the
Bill
to
My
Father
Doctor：
〃I
can
do
nothing
for
your
complaint.
It
is
hereditary.〃
Patient：
〃then
send
the
bill
to
my
father，please.〃
把賬單給我父親
醫生：“對妳的抱怨我無能為力。那是遺傳病。”
病人：“那請妳把賬單給我父親吧。”
One
girl
went
to
the
preacher
and
confessed
her
sin.
Girl:
Father,
I
have
sinned.
Preacher:
What
did
you
do,
little
girl?
Girl:
Yesterday,
I
called
a
man
a
son
of
a
Bitch.
Preacher:
Why?
What
did
he
do
to
you?
Girl:
He
touched
my
breast.
Preacher:
You
mean
like
this?
(The
guy
did
it.)
Girl:
(A
little
shy
from
the
touch)
Yes.
Preacher:
That's
no
reason
to
call
him
that.
Girl:
But
he
also
took
off
my
cloth.
Preacher:
You
mean
like
this?
(He
did
it
again.)
Girl:
Yes,
that's
what
he
did.
Preacher:
That's
still
no
reason
to
call
him
that.
Girl:
And
he
put
his
you-know-what
into
my
you-know-what...
Preacher:
(evil
laugh...)
You
mean
like
this?
(And
you-know-what)
Girl:
(After
a
few
minutes...)
Ugh...
Yeah,
that's
what
he
did...
Preacher:
My
dear
girl,
that's
still
no
reason
to
call
him
a...
Girl:
But
he
had
AIDS!!
Preacher:
THAT
SON
OF
A
BITCH
小建議：
英語笑話通常都是很短的，要是長了就達不到效果了。越是經典的就越短。老外的幽默和我們的不壹樣的。十句以上都可以算作閱讀段了，怎麽表演啊，聽眾本來聽英語就費勁，句子又多又長，肯定沒興趣了，還是找些短的來表演吧，BODY
LANGUAGE
到位，EXPRESSION
到位就OK了。
但是有關動物的確實找不到了，對不起。